Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
