Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
