Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
