guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
