he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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