She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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