dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
