Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
