I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Green mimosas i think yes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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