I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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