i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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