So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
