There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
