No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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