i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
