I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
