oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Text me some of your sweat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize