I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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