We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
