Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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