I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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