I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize