so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
