I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck appropriateness.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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