What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
