At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
