you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I AM VODKA MAN
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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