we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
