FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
