So drunk its hurt
Just cropdusted the office
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
