I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
