I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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