Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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