I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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