My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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