Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
