so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
