dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
