is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
