i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
