remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
