i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
