I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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