2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This baby is an asshole
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
