tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
