you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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