We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
