I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
