it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
