Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
