She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
