i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
