I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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