All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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