how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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