just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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