can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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