I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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