im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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