My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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