i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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