For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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