This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
