the condom got lost in my hair
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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