oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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