tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hippo gnu deer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
