She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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