i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
