the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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