Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
