This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
