made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he thought i was a dude.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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