Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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