i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
