At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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