if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
