that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
