Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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