so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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