we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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