on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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