Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
