i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
