He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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