I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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