If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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