yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
