My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
