how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
