I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
