I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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