We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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