It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
