It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize