Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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