try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
