Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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