So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
