Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
whose parrot is this?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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