Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
